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You have the liberality to choose!
Honestly, I thought I was done with anger. You know that feeling that makes you yell, criticize, defend and emphasize your right. Most times, the motives behind our anger are positive but if anger is the only passion we deplore in communicating our motives, then it could be self-destructive.
Deal with your anger before it deals with you
Twice this week I have caught myself angry. I agree with you that anger should be expressed and that it can be unhealthy if not expressed, but if you are quick to anger, then you have to deliberately bring that emotion under control. I found out that the things that have gotten me angry within the week; like being spoken to rudely by a teacher in my son’s school, while trying to give a suggestion, may be justifiable, still, it is not an excuse or a license to open the door of my mind to anger.
In her book, Living Beyond Your Feelings, Joyce Meyer, affirms that,
“Anger that is expressed inappropriately is a problem, but so is repressed anger. Anger that is stuffed inside and not dealt with properly will eventually come out one way or another. It may show up in depression, anxiety, rage, or any of the variety of other negative emotions – but it will come out.”
So as I laid on my bed and said my ‘now the day is over’ prayers, I asked God for forgiveness and the grace to always put my emotions under control. I asked myself a question that required a sincere answer from me.
“Why was I so upset with this young lady in question?” “What can I do to avoid the feeling of anger towards her?”
By my estimation and the estimate of those who work closely with me, I know that I am not a trouble maker, I am a peace maker. I know that I am not one whose voice is often heard high in an argument or in a quarrel. My anger was as a result of what Joyce described as a ‘repressed anger’. I had experienced subtle doses of rudeness from the lady in question which I did not address. This tells me that, to prevent another expression of ‘repressed anger’, I must:
- Address the cause of my angry emotion: I am convinced that anger is the default reply to a situation we do not understand.Personally, I find out that when my values system is about to be compromised by the behavior or response of another, I ‘react’ with anger, which could be yelling, withdrawal, or outright rejection. I am learning that reaction should not be my response. I am learning to address the cause of the anger and not the personality of the person. I am learning to separate issues from personality because if I can identify what makes me angry, then I am closer to managing my emotions properly and living a conflict-free life.
- Give the benefit of doubt: Sometimes, things do not always seem as they appear. I am learning to be a bit more patient with myself and the people in my space. For some reasons, according to their background, upbringing, values systems, life experiences, level of exposure, etc. people will act, respond and react. I may not be able to control how people act, respond and react to my values but I have the choice to control how I feel towards them. I choose to walk in Love and not strife, I choose to walk in forgiveness and to even practice advanced forgiveness, I choose to not keep a record of wrong… It’s all in my choices! I have the liberality to choose.
- Talk to God about how you feel: I love the man called David in the Bible. Apart from being a Prestigious King in Israel, He was described as, ‘a man after God’s heart’. When you read through the book of Psalms, you will realize that David had an ongoing conversation with his creator. He talked about everything! His fears (Psalm 23), His anger (I recall reading Psalm 73, and was amazed about how he expressed his anger for the wicked!) His joy, His depression (Psalm 42, 63), His mistakes (Psalm 51) to say a few! Joyce Meyer puts it like this,” The right way to express anger is to talk to God. Tell Him all about the way you feel and ask Him to help you manage the feelings properly.”
- Deal with your anger. Deal with your anger before it deals with you. For persons managing bipolar, consistent, uncontrolled anger could be an indication of a relapse. Do not allow anger impede the progress of your mental health. Go back to your doctors, so that they can review your medication where necessary and give you professional advice to manage your mental health. Recognize that anger is a healthy emotion when expressed in the right way. Recognize that if the outcome of your anger is destructive then you need to make deliberate efforts to tame those angry emotions! Well, cheer up, it’s a process and we will progress, if we commit to the process.
My name is Precious, I was Bipolar and I live a full life.
Heavenly Father, I give you controlling interest in my life. Do not leave me to my flaws; help me to rise above my standards, to meet your standards, help me to be discerning, help me to put my emotions under check, in Jesus name, Amen.
Living Beyond Your Feelings: Controlling Emotions, So they Don’t Control you – Joyce Meyer
The Holy Bible