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STILL FEELING THE GUILT?
Yesterday was my mother’s birthday. Birthday for my mum is a very special occasion that requires expression of love by either a call or visit if you are close by. This has been the tradition with each child.
But I didn’t have enough airtime to call, neither did my husband. In fact, we were very low on cash on this particular day and borrowing was not an option. Now a day after, I still feel guilty for not calling her on her birthday; wait a minute, I used her photograph as my display picture on my blackberry display! Is that sufficient?
Dealing with bi-polar is so complicated, many times you think what others are not thinking especially negative emotions. Throughout last week in my office, I had a very busy and stressful week, I felt like I was breaking inside out and that I could not carry on with the task at hand.
Many times tears came to my eyes, I asked myself why am I doing this to me, why am I deliberately stressing myself when I know it is not good for my mental health. The answer that came to me was that I am not bold enough to walk up to my employer and explain how I feel; I just think it will make me look so irresponsible and like a coward.
So rather than come to terms with my emotions, I found myself bitter, bitter with myself for allowing me to go through this, bitter with my hubby for not stopping me, bitter with my boss for not acknowledging the stress involved and improving the working condition for the task, bitter with my colleagues for not understanding my plight and expecting too much from me … the list of bitterness is endless. But if the truth be said deliberately, there is no justification or right to be bitter.
My life is like this because it pleases God that I should be so for now. Gal.1:15; 1 Cor15:38a. If I’m the clay, God is the potter. So I started praying to God through tear filled eyes, “Lord let me see your perspective in all these help me Lord, because I can’t help myself”.
I still snapped at my colleagues today; but I have made up my mind on one thing; I choose not to be guilty, I choose to love God consistently, I choose to love me, and I will give life, my job, my marriage, my family, friends and colleagues my best because life deserves our best if we are to deliberately make the impact we are created for.
· That you have to take your medication(s) as prescribed by the doctors
· That you don’t have to avoid your appointments with your physician.
· That you have to rest well, eat healthy, exercise safely, and avoid stress.
· That you can pray over your medications that; they will work perfectly for you without side effects.
· That you can pray to God to perfect all that concerns your mental health.
My name is Precious, I was Bi-polar, and I live a full life
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