Beyond February 14th…
If you are bipolar and you are single, it’s so easy to slip into self evaluation and self pity on a day like this, especially if you do not have a reliable relationship. This was my situation a few years ago, and all I wanted then was marriage! My mindset then was, ‘when I get married, every day will be valentine, I will always be happy and I will hardly feel sad again!’
My psychologists was the first person to wake me up from my ‘wonderland’. He made me realise that if I was not happy and contented as a single girl, marriage will not change a thing! In his opinion, you cannot be happy everyday, even in marriage.
I have been married for some years to my precious Ruby, I have no doubt that he is God’s best for me and that he loves me dearly but to be sincere, there are days I just feel low, discouraged and melancholic. Most of the time, these feelings have nothing to do with what he did or what he did not do.
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| That’s myself and my daughter saying, ‘Happy Valentine Day’ |
To be honest, I know that my sanity, strength and value sterns from my relationship with Jesus. He is my friend and lover, and I can’t imagine what my life would have been without Him. Few months away from our wedding, I had a little misunderstanding with one of my sisters who incidentally, is also my friend. I respected her so much to the point that if she had asked me to quit the relationship with my husband-to-be then, I could have considered it.
I was psychologically attached to her. I felt like she was the only one who understood me considering that she knew about my mental health status, yet believed in me. She never gave me a reason to doubt my ability to deliver or live a productive life. Then, for some reasons I can’t recall, we stopped talking to each other. When I was sufficiently tired of the situation, I woke up early one morning to commune with God about the situation. After thanking Him and worshiping, I asked, ‘Lord, why is my relationship with (I mentioned her name) like this now? Why does it seems as though there is no love and understanding anymore? What do you want me to do? What should I do?’
And this was what was impressed on my heart: Your relationship with this lady is like this so that you will not expect her or anybody to be what only God can be to you. Don’t expect the love, peace, joy, security, attention, provision… that only God can give you from anyone, not even from your husband…
So I walked up the aisle with my hearthrob and those words have not eluded me since then. I know where my joy comes from, It comes from the Lord! I know where what I need is. If I will remain committed to this relationship with Jesus, my other relationships will continue to be meaningful! I have never celebrated Valentine at the level it is being advertised on social media and the press,
but I know who loves me! I know that He is always in love with me. He is an ever present help in time of need, this is easy for Him because, He never sleeps or slumber! I can’t get over the fact that I am not virtuous enough, yet he loves me, I am not careful enough yet His care overwhelms me! Here’s Happy Valentine to you Lord, I love you! Thank you for loving me just as I am and for allowing your grace to find me each time I fall…
Let Jesus be your Valentine. Beyond the celebration of February 14th, give Jesus an opportunity to express His love for you by considering Him. Receive Him into your heart and confess Him as your Lord. Create room in your heart for Him. Just bask in His love! Read John 3:14-16, John 1
My name is Precious, I was Bipolar and I live a full life
Prayer: Lord, Jesus, I thank you for your love. For all you did on the cross of Calvary. Jesus, come into my heart, be Lord over my life, I give you controlling interest in my life. Help me with my emotions, help me to channel them right in Jesus name.
Note: Please if you have just said that prayer, please send me an email at idaretoblossom@gmail.com, I will love to hear from you.