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WHEN YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH LOVE, THEN SUDDENLY FINDS OUT THAT YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN! OYO! LOL!
As humans, we are intricately wired for relationships. We strive better when we are loved, understood and appreciated. In most cases, we see this in the relationship of a child and the parents/ caregivers. The child looks up to people in their space for emotional, physical and all round development.
Even as grownups, we still need friends and family. We crave to be loved, accepted and understood. We want support from the people we are comfortable with and we want to live life knowing that we are not alone.
However, the sad realization is that, people won’t always, ‘get you’. They won’t always understand your motives and so you may not always get the support you ‘think’ you ‘deserve’ from them. As I write this, it’s Friday morning and I am reflecting on my week. I had work opportunities to add tangible value to lives but also felt a deep hurt and a sense of loss from realizing that my support team is waning. This waning – gradual but firm withdrawal of help from people who were ones cheer leaders – is heart breaking. (Sad)
The sad part is, without the right support, the capacity to accomplish a dream suffers. Emotions can go hay wire, if not put in right perspective and your body language could send negative vibes that worsens the situation.
SO, what can you do when your support dwindles?
Should you respond or react?
How should you relate without the support?
These are a few thoughts on my mind this morning.
As a person who has experienced bipolar disorder and with a constant reminder from my underlying words, “my name is precious, I was bipolar and I live a full life’, I have experienced the goodness available in being surrounded with people who would go the extra mile to make you feel loved and appreciated. I am also wise enough to identify that people don’t withdraw their support just because they want to; they withdraw because they want emotional stability. They want their own ‘peace of mind’ intact. Sometimes, they withdraw because it’s time to move on. Their job in your life is done.
Whatever the reasons may be, when the support from friends and family dwindles, a few things to consider are:
1) Examine Yourself.
How have you been lately? Have you taken their generosity for granted? Is your altitude right?
When you are faced with intense pressure, what is expressed is the real you. When you are squeezed like an orange, what comes out of you?
2) Manage your expectations.
We need to recognize that everyone has the freedom to live the way they want to live. We can’t keep insisting that a person lives or responds in a particular way just because we believe it is the right way. No. God created us as free moral agents. With this freedom come responsibilities and consequences. The responsibility is on us to manage our expectations from people. Once, a wise old man said to me, “people do not intend to disappoint, it is the circumstances around them that disappoint them”. The best of us with the best intentions still disappoint ourselves! Manage your expectations. Live and let others live.
3) Remember the good works.
Like the woman who goes through contraction and labours to give birth, then forgets all the pain and discomfort immediately the child is born, sometimes we forget the good works and sacrifices of our support team. Please keep those memories alive and appreciate your support team. Celebrate them with any opportunity you find. Let them know that you appreciate the role they played in your recovery journey or in your life in that difficult phase. Let them know that you love them regardless.
4) Don’t be tempted to stay emotionally attached.
Emotional attachment is what happens when we spend a lot of time with people we are in sync with. Now when these people decide to move on with their lives, we must learn to let them go without feeling bad. People are in our lives for different reasons and for different seasons. A few are in our lives for the long haul. We must understand this and let them go with love and fight the attachment. It is a painful process for many. With time, it becomes easier. Give yourself time.
In the bible, we are told of how Job prayed for his friends. It seemed as though his friends didn’t understand and give him the support he craved for in a difficult phase of his life, still he found the strength to pray for them. When your support wanes, it is painful. Praying for their wellbeing and for the grace to love them regardless can help you navigate through.
6) Look around from where you are. Look up to God.
“…The two men parted company: Abram lived in the land of Canaan, while Lot lived among the cities of the plain and pitched his tents near Sodom….The Lord said to Abram after Lot had parted from him, “Look around from where you are, to the north and south, to the east and west.” Genesis 13: 11b, 14. (NIV)
Look up to God. God has to be to you more than the preacher say He is. You need to know God for yourself. I know that without God, without His word and without the application of His word to my life, I would never be able to live a meaningful life. The people whom God has brought into my life have played specific roles. So when its seems, as though love and support are waning, beyond the pain and withdrawal process, I find the strength to go back to God and ask Him for the grace to stay focused on Jesus as my Lord and Saviour, for the grace to serve Him and do what pleases Him.
Now, that this is out of my mind, I feel better. Thank you for stopping by at www.idaretoblossom.org and for reading this. You are a part of my support. I appreciate you. If there are topics you want me to talk about as it relates to mental health, recovering and life beyond bipolar disorder, please send an email to email@example.com
Till the next post!
My name is precious. I was Bipolar and I live a full life.