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Bidemi Mark-Mordi, Bipolar, Consequences, Depression, Discipline, love

Be Sincere with Yourself! – Part A

Often times, I wonder why it has to be me in that uncomfortable situation, where I have to say, “I am sorry”, “I am sorry” … because of an unwise action I executed and the consequence that follows!

Most times, I utter the “I am sorry” with sincerity and a determination not to err again, only to find myself in that same situation and obviously saying, the required -“I am sorry”!

I do not have an issue saying, ‘I am sorry’, or tendering an apology, but I am uncomfortable with the fact that I could say “I am sorry” with no corresponding action that implies a change in habit, character and disposition which is the background of the recurring misnomer.

Last week, was a full week for me, because in my option, I got the chastening of my life on a dangerous habit I had unconsciously imbibed – indiscipline with my time. I reported at work late and I faced the consequences of my action. In Bidemi Mark-Mordi’s words, ‘consequence is a natural outflow of our actions’. She went on to explain that, ‘whether our consequence will be pleasant or unpleasant depends squarely on the actions we exhibit; and our actions flow from our choices’.

Tough as my consequence seemed, I knew I was clearly in the wrong and I had to make drastic adjustment to my indiscipline in time management if I was prepared to take the responsibility I spoke about in the last post. 

The more I reflected on the situation I found myself, the more the tears flowed freely, the more my heart aced, the more I heard the enemy’s derogatory remarks, “You are not good enough”, “You are good at nothing”, “you are always late”, “ you are not a good wife and mum because you can’t balance your time properly”, …

With each sentence came fear and with fear came a lack of confidence which determined to erode my self esteem. Of course, I need help, not just any kind of help, I needed God’s word! Only God’s word can give the true perspective and comfort thereafter. As I began studying scriptures, I stumbled on Hebrew 12:5-11, Proverbs 19:18 and Deuteronomy 8:5 among other scriptures.

I love the way King James versions reads Hebrews 12:5-11. I am drawn to verse 7,


“If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?”

God disciplines His children just as the earthly father disciplines his child. God disciplines us because we are sons and not bastards! God is a responsible father to us. He disciplines us for our own profit that we might be partakers of his holiness. Hebrews 12: 10.

If you are recovering from bipolar or are dealing with bipolar, these feelings I have tried to describe in black and white may not be as simple as it sounds to a person managing bipolar. Samantha Gluck in an article on healthyplace.com suggests that,
 

“we deal with guilt by developing more rational  and less painful ways of thinking about the situation.” 

Bipolar disorder borders on extremes that have harmful effect on the life and lives of your loved ones. Do not focus on the guilt, take your medication, go to sleep, you can jog off the shock of the situation. Replace negative habits. Keep an appointment with your doctor if you must.  Read your bible. Pray.Pray.Pray.

My name is Precious, I was bipolar and I live a full life.

Prayer
Heavenly Father I thank you for your love, I will never be able to comprehend its scope. I am grateful Lord for the discipline you bring my way daily, I ask for your grace so that I will not be slotful in business, I will be fervent in spirit and serve you better, in Jesus Name, Amen.
 
References

Hebrews 12:5-11

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