“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.”
Psalm 9:9
How is it that the people who are closest to us are the ones who make us happy and at the same time make us sad? The answer is simple: we give them the power to influence our thoughts, feelings and actions. What are you enabling by your silence? How are you empowering toxic relationships to hurt you and reduce your mental and emotional strength thereby cutting down the quality of your life?
In the first week of June, 2017, following a series of predictable events that I didn’t prepare for, I found myself in an emotional mess and made a wise decision to get off social media for a while (3 days, actually. Lol). I realised that writing has a calming effect on me and helps me to put my thoughts in clear perspective. So besides the fact that my phone battery lasted longer and I was free from the endless notifications ― that accompany using a smart phone, I still had to move from the hurt to living my life according to God’s pattern for me.
There is no guarantee that we will not be hurt by the people we expect to know better, or that we will not feel the pain, loss or the aftermaths of their actions towards us. But like I wrote in my last post, Still, I will Sing, “I am determined to be among the people who will ‘happen’ to life. I will live my life intentionally to serve God’s interest. Of course, there will be consequences, yet I will maintain a positive disposition and not allow life happen to me.”
How do I intend to achieve this declaration?
By Letting Go
To let go of something valuable hurts. It hurts more when you have been so attached! Sometimes, we give pain, anger, bitterness, malice, etc., an overrated place in our lives by holding on to them. Nyengi Koin’s novel tittle says, “Time changes yesterday,” yet, I strongly believe that beyond time, our decision to MOVE ON quickly from hurtful experiences is what changes our state of mind towards wholeness. This brings me to the next point.
Move on! Move on!! Move on!!!
Take baby steps if you want, but make sure you are moving on. If you stay on one spot recounting the hurtful words and replaying the scenes in your head, you will sink deeper into a depressed state. Whenever you feel like nursing the pain, you can actually acknowledge it by coming to terms with what had happened and deciding to move on. Life and everyone around you is not going to wait because you are hurting. This is why in the end; you lose more in being depressed and unmotivated than the person or situation that may have triggered the depression in the first place. That person or situation may even be oblivious of the impact of their words or actions on you.
Managing Words verses Feelings
I believe that we are responsible for what we say, not how what we say make others feel. For instance, I could say “it’s a beautiful day” and someone who already feels sad about the day might interpret that as something else. Words are said based on an individual’s observation, understanding, reasoning, and exposure. Our words reveal a lot about us.
To truly live a joyful and happy life, we must be conscious of the way we interpret the words we are exposed to. Hurtful words will naturally achieve their goal of hurting the recipient. We can’t stop people from saying what they say, but we can decide to put a filter on the words by taking what is relevant and leaving the ‘trash’ behind. Don’t carry on hurtful words, it’s a negative cycle.
Be Thankful
God’s word says in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV, “In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”In EVERYTHING, not in some things. Thanksgiving helps us to take our focus from how terrible and hurting the situation is to how much God has done for us (which we may be unaware of), to ensure that the situation does not deteriorate. It helps us to remember that ALL things, not some things, are working together for our good. Thanksgiving helps us to remember that if it had not been for the LORD who was on our side, things could have been worse than they are right now. Be thankful!
Pray for those who Hurt You
If you are a believer, you may be conversant with the story of Job in the Bible (See Job 42:10-11). Verse 10 says:
“And the LORD turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the LORD gave job twice as much as he had before.”
Prayer helps us to communicate how we feel to God. It helps us to ask for His grace and Mercy for every aspect of our lives. Prayer and worship go hand in hand. When I feel very hurt and find it difficult to pray, I just switch to worshipping God, and acknowledging His supremacy in my life. 
Forgive Sincerely
One truth I am taking away from chapter 7 of Dondi Scumaci’s book, READY, SET… GROW! is that forgiving is first a decision and then a process. This explains why even though we have sincerely forgiven a person, sometimes we still feel the pains of their action! Dondi warns that if we don’t manage the hurts and disappointments in our lives, we risk becoming the toxic people others are trying to pull from their lives.
So please, follow the forgiveness process to the end and do forgive. Life is too important and beautiful for anyone to live in the trap of unforgiveness. Make the decision to forgive, follow the forgiveness process and let go of the pain and hurt. Move on and keep going.
Be Happy
Happiness starts from a cheerful heart. Choose happiness every day. Every day comes with its own demands. Tell yourself that irrespective of what happens or not, you are going to make it through the day and your happiness and joy will be intact. That said, you have to work on it. Work on it by not dwelling on negative words and experiences.
My name is Precious, I was Bipolar and I live a full life.
Dear Lord, please strengthen my heart and give me your grace, an abundant of it, to forgive, let go and move on regardless of how painful the experience may be. In Jesus Name, Amen. Thank You.
All scriptures are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.
Job 42:10-11
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Time Changes Yesterday – A novel by Nyengi Koin
READY, SET… GROW! by Dondi Scumaci

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